Oscar Moments and a Pigeon. . .musing & poem

On February 25, 2013August 14, 2013 By Devlin De La ChapaIn Fiction, Musing, PoetryLeave a comment

My choice of Oscar Moments:

1.) Despised Amanda Siegfried’s candor on the red carpet. Oh, please!

2.) My partner thought Michael Douglas looked better than his wife, Catherine Zeta Jones.

3.) Kerry Washington’s overly swaying hips as she strutted across the platform. Can you say unbalanced washing machine boys and girls?

4.) Anne Hathaway’s lack of a bra. Her nipples were more erect than my partner’s penis.

5.) Despised Chicago’s rendition.

6.) Let’s hear it for Jennifer Hudson! It’s no wonder Beyoncé got all butt-hurt when Jennifer won her Oscar.

7.) Kudos to Quentin Tarantino. He needs more recognition, and a straighter tie.

8.) I don’t think kids should win Oscars period. So way to go Jennifer Lawrence!

9.) Kristen Stewart looked lovely but painful to be at the Oscars. Where was RPaz?

10.) Ben Affleck’s moving speech simply because he didn’t prepare one because he probably assumed he wasn’t going to win so therefore he spoke entirely from the heart. Congrats, Ben!

I remember when the Oscars once took place in the Shrine Auditorium. When I was in grade school living in El Monte, California. My class took a field trip to the Shrine Auditorium where my class then met the actress Cheryl Ladd. Since then I have been a HUGE fan of the Oscars. And while I do have to admit that some years have been pretty boring, other years have not. Last night’s Oscars however left me laughing and crying. . .Laughing because I happen to adore Seth McFarlane (and for those who don’t know this but Seth is the voiceover to Stewie on Family Guy.) God, I love Stewie. He is so. . .so. . .rambunctious, and I love his take on attempting to take over the world. Okay, getting sidetracked here, now back to the Oscars. . .um, where was I? Oh yea, meeting the actress. Hey I’ve also ran into Randy Johnson, Mike Tyson, and Alice Cooper (used to work for Alice Cooper’s wife, Cheryl. . .hey, another Cheryl!) Okay, enough with my bullshit, back to the Oscars. Aside from thinking Seth McFarlane a stimulating character, my fav highlight of the night was Daniel Day-Lewis winning for Best Actor in Lincoln. I sobbed because I have been a longtime admirer and fan of Daniel Day-Lewis; I’ve seen practically every movie he’s made; my fav, Gangs of New York. So congrats, Daniel!

Now onto Jennifer Lawrence. . .I did not laugh. I was so ecstatic for her Best Actress win! However, I did get pissed over the dress tripping her triumph to mega-stardom. I did enjoy her comeback speech, though. Way to go Jennifer!

Adele won for Best Song “Skyfall”. . .but of course. . .although I preferred the song, “Before My Time” performed by actress Scarlett Johansson. Now this one is sure to be a classic! If you hadn’t heard it yet, click on player to hear it. Sultry Scarlett is all I have to say. Sigh.

Okay enough about the Oscars. Here’s another poem. Enjoy!

**********

Pigeon

in the midst’s of daylights dark

my soul sits comatose

on a stoned cold bench,

pigeons dig trenches around me.

the snow is beyond freezing

against my fingertips and toes

remembering the sound of your voice

I so desperately want to hold

in this moment as I toss the breadcrumbs

and they land wherever they may fall,

and you say “Pigeons are dumb!”

i laugh, but then i want to cry,

but nothing escapes my eyes

they are stone cold like this bench

and i am so pissed because it’s wasted

years spent on pigeons and bread.

true, I have a few marbles rolling loose in my head

only because it’s been a year and

i can’t believe you’re dead, or maybe

because i can’t believe i’m dead without you?

i sigh, and glance up at the sky,

a threat of first light threatens to push through,

you coo, “Toss me another breadcrumb, will you?”

i say, “I love you, and I miss you too.”

Politics and Prostitution…rant & poem

On February 22, 2013August 14, 2013 By Devlin De La ChapaIn Fiction, Musing, Poetry, Rant, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Well another day, and nothing really to say or add except for America is going to hell in a handbag! The fiscal cliff keeps cliffing. Political differences and issues are now threatning the FDA to go on furlough so the cost of meat, poultry, vegetables, eggs, milk, etc. etc. are all going to sky rocket in prices if nothing is resolved by March 1st, so stock up. Government employees are facing potential pink slips. Just the other day I saw a sign screaming “Depression Rates”. And one of my kuzis (I think that’s the way you spell ‘Kuzi’?) once read: “It’s a Recession when the other guy loses his job. It’s a Depression when you lose yours.”

You know the Mayans never predicted that the world was ever going to end (thank Hollywood for that) but merely predicted big changes were to come. So are they here now? Where is Nostradamus by the way, or Superman for that matter?

Need to go back and see Phil Collins/Genesis videos.

In the meantime here’s another poem. . .this one dedicated to the Sexual Politics of America! Enjoy!

**********

The Prostitute

Across the conferences she lays to bade foreign

nations wielding pens mightier than swords

bleed the predatorial beast beneath red-top masses;

the sovereign of exchanged currencies

exorcising their gluttonies within her are but

a mere promised farce, an anti-cleansing of impure hands-

she is the shameless populace of God’s right hand,

the echo of a prostituted nation

for at his feet, she weeps

“48 reasons NOT to work at a Home Depot” – flash fiction

On February 19, 2013August 14, 2013 By Devlin De La ChapaIn Fiction, Flash, Musing3 Comments

He was a self-proclaimed (1)Do-It-Yourself killer. He killed the mother. Chopped up the father. Hung the son. Pissed on the dog. Stepped on the cat. Cut fresh (2)flowers from the (3)garden and arranged them in a vase in the living daughter’s (4)kitchen on top of the (5)island butcher’s block next to the brain mattered (6)stained machete. The daughter squirmed beneath his firm grasp on her throat and pelvis. She was the reason why he was there in this (7)dreadful place of (8)Home Depot memorabilia from previous Do-It-Yourself (9)Workshops. He swore he saw (10)Homer running behind the (11)fridge after Barbie and Ken with (12)paint brushes and (13)utility knives because Homer caught them fornicating in his (14)orange apron pockets and beneath his (15)orange painters hat. He could smell Ken’s (16)plastic melted cum sticking to his bald head as Barbie begged from somewhere within the (17)nuts and (18)bolts department to have her hard plastic breasts (19)buffed and (20)sanded and (21)sprayed by instant gold tanning (22)products real women would kill for in a Walgreens drug store if it promised a date with look-alike-Kens. Barbie was lucky. “Ken is a fag!” the killer once told his sister when he was a little boy dressed like GI Joe chasing little girls in pink (23)floral dresses chopping off pigtails while droplets of blood wept on those pretty blossoming flowers then shooting at boys who dared to steal his glory as the globe-trotting-pigtail-chopping-military-man. The daughter squirmed a second time. She had gold hair. A ponytail instead of pigtails. As he originally thought she had in the (24)makeshift park on the jungle Jim on the swings on the Rocket that went sky high from a kid’s eye. “A kid’s eye” the killer thought slipping his (25)calloused hands over the daughter’s face. (26)Mashing her skull he then thought of mashed potatoes at the Golden Corral on 75^th Avenue where the majority of diners were illegals, aliens disguised as Americans sloughing over the endless buffet because they had green cards that permitted them to. The killer thought “Since when did America succumb to these atrocities particularly (27)signs translated from English to Spanish?” And he went on to ponder on why there wasn’t any signs translating on how to get back to the alien river mother-fucking-ships yet there were signs on how to eat at a buffet: Please use a (28)clean plate when visiting the buffet. Por favor a usar un limpio plato cuando visitando el bufete cada vez. Mashed potatoes? The killer’s stomach growled picking up the machete finishing off the daughter on the kitchen’s butcher block obviously (29)made by the (30)Homersapians of (31)Home Depot. The head rolled and landed in the stepped on cat’s (32)litter box. The dog whimpered. One of the (33)roses wilted in the waterless vase. Homer chased after Ken who chased after Barbie. The killer was going insane with maddening hunger. “This was supposed to be an easy fucking (34) job!” The killer bitched. He then spat on Homer as he rushed passed him. “What?” Homer sounded (35)orangey offended rubbing the slime smell of ingested (36)lead and tobacco (37)wood from his bald head “This is your fucking fault!” The killer rampaged. “Turning me into a fucking (38)carpenter. A (39)gardener. A baby-sitter!” The killer scooped up Homer and Ken and Barbie and shoved them into his (40)tool bag and zipped the zipper shut. There was muffling. Barbie squealing. Homer (41)screwing Ken in his ass as usual. The killer grunted. He detested killing on an empty stomach. It fucked with his (42)lunch hour. “So how’d it go. . .at the Johnson (43)residence with their newly (44)installed butcher’s block?” a freckled face albino toon in his late teens with gold bling on one front tooth probed. The killer snuck-a-peek at manchild’s hands only to find they were grotesquely big and hairy (45)green, the obvious signs of good times raped and wasted on palm (46)Rosie and her five little (47)friends. He made a mental note to take manchild up on his previous offer of (48)retiling his bedroom. “Well, they were so ecstatic the woman just about had herself a heart attack. The man just about fell to pieces. Their son almost tripped over his shoelaces and just about hung himself. And the daughter. . .well, she just about lost her head! Those Do-It-Yourself projects can be a real killer, know what I mean?”

(pub2012 in MF)

Unit Core God Uterus

On January 26, 2013August 14, 2013 By Devlin De La ChapaIn Musing, Rant, WritingLeave a comment

Black Listed Thoughts in a little black book by poet Mike Meraz. . .I had a black listed thought that consisted of abortion and your right to bear arms but somewhere along the way my uterus got shot down, and sustained two bullets from an AZ political drive-by thuggette who wants to prosecute the women responsible for aborting an unwanted child as it might be considered “evidence tampering”. What kind of America are we living in when a woman has sex or is a victim of rape/incest and SHE becomes the criminal? Okay, bad question. Okay, I love my guns. I have a 12 gage double-barrel action-pump Magnum Express shotgun adored by the ATF; a Smith & Wesson 6 slug revolver; and a Semi-Automatic Springer double-shot handgun. Now I’m looking to buy a BAR 1918 as well as a Corner Shot rifle. . .all in the name to protect my Unit Core God Uterus. I have a daughter, and I weep for her future as I fear a pre-communist uterus country unfolding with her uterus being held captive by the Gyno-Government.

So I put together a list of things to do for your uterus before and after trying it out:

0. Paragraph A-Do abstain from sex. Paragraph B-This excludes nymphs.

1. Do keep your uterus clean and fetus free, see #0, Paragraph A.

2. Hang a “Do Not Enter” sign on your vagina.

3. Do not smile at the bartender as he may think you’re interested and spikes your drink.

4. Have a sit down between your uterus, your vagina, and the 33 Degrees Delegates and ask what their POV’s are on this political uterus/abortion war.

5. Have your tubes tied at the onset of your birth.

6. Build a prison inside your uterus for sperm-victs.

7. Talk to your great-grandmother, your true Ob-Gyn

8. Do not self-abort with hot water, that is so 1950’s or is it 60’s?

9. If you have to abort, take a high-ranking political rep and hold he/she hostage with extreme prejudice, then negotiate through a bullhorn, “Either the rep gets it or the fetus?”

All in all, I think women should be left to their own devices (and I don’t mean IUD’s, but speaking of IUD’s. . .): Pro-Choice, Pro-Life, Roe Vs. Wade, yadda, yadda, yadda. Sex, rape, incest should not even be an issue with abortion as this is America and should always be a right like a right to bear arms, and all that And Justice For All crap. Now back to the IUD. . .I need to have my IUD replaced! And I’m really hoping my Ob-Gyn doesn’t ask: Copper or plastic? ‘cause I just might answer: A Hysterectomy, please!